Grace meets shame

At first I hear the whispers~

     “There is something more to me…

     Am I truly who my wounded self sees?

     Is my Core the nothingness, the emptiness, the darkness, that is all

          this part of me believes?

     Perhaps there is another Truth?”

But I’m so scared to see…

It feels much safer to keep Me buried away, to keep my darkness in the

     shadows, outside the light of day…

But there, another whisper, louder still as It begins to breathe me.

     “There is so much more to you than your brokenness, than your fear,

          than your hurt…  We will look together, let Me show you the way…”

Breath leads me to the place within holding the speck of courage to

     question the only truth I have ever known.

In this moment, I choose.

I will face the darkness.  I will look into the abyss.

With Spirit by my side, I will turn toward the void.  I am willing to face

     the Truth.

I slowly, ever so slowly, open to a new possibility- that what my wounds

     have been telling me for all of my days is not my Reality-

I hear Truth speak:  “Your wounds aren’t the ‘all of who you are.’  No, they

     are what you have lived through… learned through… They are your rough

     edges, your blind spots, the tender places that give you your

     understanding, the cracks that let the Light in…  They are the

     tragic songs and the raw and vibrant colors that have created the

     beautiful mosaic that is You.  For You are there inside, shining as brightly

     as ever, seeking to express your Light as only You can.”

Can this Truth be true?  Could it be my shame is but a conclusion

     drawn from a child’s perspective during my darkest hours- a belief to

     keep my heart from breaking?  This belief that formed the foundation of

     my identity, the one that shaped my whole existence…

I fall to my knees and my Heart breaks open.  I weep for her, this

     wounded child within.  I weep for her heartbreak and her suffering, for

     her depths of sadness and her isolation… for her conclusions about her

     very worth.

I weep for all of the lost years…

As I am embraced in the Grace of Spirit, I envelope her in my Love.

     I allow her to sink into Its safety, as her feelings erupt from deep within.

     I sit with her in the fire of her pain, I hold her in her grief.

I feel the Light within me, and I see that the emptiness inside is the

     space of Spirit, the space of Stillness, the space of Love Itself.

This child that was lost is Home, as am I.

The Truth has set me free.

2 thoughts on “Grace meets shame”

  1. Your post is lovely, Lauren. I can really feel the great depth of your words. I especially love this part, “As I am embraced in the Grace of Spirit, I envelope her in my Love. I allow her to sink into Its safety, as her feelings erupt from deep within.” I have been doing a lot of self care over the last week and have been focusing on safety as well as nurturing a connection with my Inner Wise Self. It can be difficult to connect with Guidance when filled with fear. Thanks for your beautiful words and many blessings to you.

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